elyse: (two umbrellas in rain)
If you knew that something bad will happen to your friend(s), what would you do?
If you could see your friend(s)' hearts and knew their true feelings & "the truth", what would you do?
If you knew that there's a big cross lying in front of you and you have to face it, what would you do?
If you knew that it's gonna be very hard, would you still walk steadily towards the cross?

I've been overly sentimental during the last 3 months.
There are so many things going on around me that lead me slowly but surely to the cross I will have to bear...
I got the vision two years ago, and until today I'm still trying to fight it. But I know it's inevitable & I will have to go through it. For what purpose? I don't know for sure. All I know is... as I am blessing others (the friends in my vision), I will also be blessed.

Three months ago, something happened that serves as a start mark of the cross.
So it's currently in the process, for God knows how long. As much as I have to bear it, though, I'm always tempted to say... "Oh my dear Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but thy will be done."

Do I have a choice?
Choices might be for other people, but not for me.
My destiny has been carved deep inside my soul ever since I was born, and no matter where I try to run or hide from it, I could never find solitude, if I don't go back to the Hands that carved me in the first place.

And yet I know... all these happened / will happen because God loves me so much and wants to make use of me.
It's just so hard to walk with knowing things beforehand.
I just wish I didn't know.

But what happens is rather... I'm pretending I do not know.
elyse: (nana: hachi - alone)

Because I realize that even though time goes by so fast, the world doesn't change...
Because I'm always the one to smile bitterly at the 'truth' that I've already known beforehand...
Because, in the end, "care " doesn't really belong to this world...
Because 自分を信じて (jibun wo shinjite / believe in yourself) was, is, and will always be my truth...

This is the song of my heart.
Sung by one of the most shining souls in this world ♥

Care - 赤西仁
詞:  赤西仁


あと何年かすれば 思い出になる だから
忘れかけてた記憶と今を ふと重ねてみたんだ

大切なもの抱えすぎて 歩きづらくなった今日

いつだって僕ら きっと誰だって
倒れかかったって 踏み出す力を
きっとそこには 泣いた分の笑顔が待ってる

すぎてく日々で 何か見失いかけた
そんなふうに そう自分のほうから
つないだ手を ほどけないように

例えば君が 傷ついたとしても
疲れて僕に 寄りかかる日は

いつだって僕ら きっと誰だって
きっとそこには 泣いた分の笑顔が待ってる

credit: [livejournal.com profile] goro_chan


"There are those relationships that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous..."
~ Carrie Bradshaw (from Sex and the City)

May 2010


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