If you knew that something bad will happen to your friend(s), what would you do?
If you could see your friend(s)' hearts and knew their true feelings & "the truth", what would you do?
If you knew that there's a big cross lying in front of you and you have to face it, what would you do?
If you knew that it's gonna be very hard, would you still walk steadily towards the cross?

I've been overly sentimental during the last 3 months.
There are so many things going on around me that lead me slowly but surely to the cross I will have to bear...
I got the vision two years ago, and until today I'm still trying to fight it. But I know it's inevitable & I will have to go through it. For what purpose? I don't know for sure. All I know is... as I am blessing others (the friends in my vision), I will also be blessed.

Three months ago, something happened that serves as a start mark of the cross.
So it's currently in the process, for God knows how long. As much as I have to bear it, though, I'm always tempted to say... "Oh my dear Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but thy will be done."

Do I have a choice?
Choices might be for other people, but not for me.
My destiny has been carved deep inside my soul ever since I was born, and no matter where I try to run or hide from it, I could never find solitude, if I don't go back to the Hands that carved me in the first place.

And yet I know... all these happened / will happen because God loves me so much and wants to make use of me.
It's just so hard to walk with knowing things beforehand.
Really.
I just wish I didn't know.

But what happens is rather... I'm pretending I do not know.