the dark night of the soul

Just finished reading Mother Teresa's Crisis of Faith (@ Time Magazine & @ Yahoo News), it's very very inspiring & strengthening.
Even Mother Teresa experienced the dark night of the soul...

Reflecting on my own dark night of the soul...
I'm so happy that I'm not alone & to experience it is not a sin. Although I'm not quite sure what it is... a natural spiritual cycle? a privilege? a dryness? a gift? a 'sickness' of the soul?
I often feel that the more I follow Jesus & know the "truth", the more I'm questioning about Him & His 'existence'... Not that I don't believe in Him, but because I often -borrowing Mother Teresa's words- "look and do not see, listen and do not hear".
Sometimes, I want to go back to 12 years ago.. when I was just a normal Catholic girl without knowing Him so much deeper... without knowing the Charismatic Catholic Renewal... without having a calling for ministry in my deepest heart... And yet life was so much easier back then.
Sometimes I just want to stop following Him, but all my life has been confirmed by His seal... I am His... and in the end, where can I run to but Him?
I have no other destination... so with a weak mind and bitter heart, I still try to drag myself towards Him.
After all, since the very beginning, and long after it ends, it's always about Jesus, and never about myself.
I am only the street sign pointing to The Way. I am -borrowing St. John's words from the gospel- just "a voice of one that cries in the desert: Prepare a way for the Lord. Make his paths straight!".

The whole story of Mother Teresa simply shows that love, to Christ & to one another, is beyond feeling.

"The tendency in our spiritual life but also in our more general attitude toward love is that our feelings are all that is going on. And so to us the totality of love is what we feel. But to really love someone requires commitment, fidelity and vulnerability. Mother Teresa wasn't 'feeling' Christ's love, and she could have shut down. But she was up at 4:30 every morning for Jesus, and still writing to him, 'Your happiness is all I want.' That's a powerful example even if you are not talking in exclusively religious terms."

That is the true example of faith. Whatever she might've been feeling, she still set her eyes & mind to God and do God's works.
The book, Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, came out just at the right time... It will surely "ease the spiritual road of thousands of fellow believers". I'll be getting my hands on it as soon as I can find it.