elyse: (saki fukuda: white flower)
The things I need to do, starting from now!

Re-manage my LJ tags! They really need reorganizing & regrouping / recategorizing. Too many & too cluttered! I find it hard to search for an entry with the messy tags >_<

★ Share less. As much as I wanna share more, I've been too carefree with my sharings lately, I really should stop doing so! It might be a boomerang to me in the end. I have to control my expressiveness and extroversion in this case!

★ When I do share, though, I really must be extra careful with my words. It's been proven true, based on my experience in my whole life, and especially during the last few weeks, that people generally are either afraid of the harsh reality / truth, or they're simply just being defensive or blatantly refuse/reject them.

★ Don't trust anyone too much. Again, I've been too carefree with my trust lately, it's just gonna be a boomerang in the end.

★ Maintain a better relationship with Father, much better than I've been doing :)

★ Worry not about the cross, the future, the destruction, the whatever bad things in my visions, until they really do happen (although it might be too late then, but oh well. I have to try to live like a normal person! -_-;;).

★ Enjoy my life with the (very few) ones who really care about me, sincerely and unfakingly. I really should cherish them for being true to themselves and me :3

Let this reminder be my early birthday resolution, exactly 1 month before my 30th birthday ^^
elyse: (perfect girl evolution: sunako)
Has anyone ever done something so horrible to you that "I'm sorry" couldn't fix it?

Oooh yes!
Actually, the person didn't even say "I'm sorry", because she didn't realize that she had made a huge mistake.
But if she were to say "I'm sorry", the damage done couldn't have been fixed in any way.

I'll explain more.
To protect the identity of those involved, I will be as ambiguous as possible.

A few years ago, I was horribly backstabbed. By a -supposedly- good friend whom I trusted with all my heart, who chose to backstab me over someone else that wasn't worth the effort, to begin with. It was proven right in front of our eyes only a few days after that backstabbing incident. But she didn't realize the damage she had done to me, not to mention that she didn't realize making the big mistake in the first place. It might not have meant anything to her, but it meant a great deal to me, because friendship starts from complete trust, at least for me.

See, I'm the type of person who can trust completely, until I'm cheated or find out that I shouldn't have trusted anyone that much in the first place. As I grew older, I was struck by the reality that, even though I've been so trusting all this time, people don't reciprocate or appreciate that effort.

So I learned a life lesson the hard way.
And even though I did forgive her by heart (without saying anything to her, because she didn't realize anything in the first place), I didn't forget the backstabbing incident. Memory cannot be erased; good or bad. And I have such a good memory, too! I couldn't deliberately push that memory into my subconsciousness, even if I wanted to so much.

I have, since then, become very careful in my relationship to her.
And deep inside my heart, I could never be the same Elyse again to her.
Maybe she did realize that I changed over time.
But as to what reason, she wasn't really clear.

C'est la vie.
And life goes on.
I'm still the same trustful Elyse, just maybe that quality decreases a bit.


"There are those relationships that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous..."
~ Carrie Bradshaw (from Sex and the City)

May 2010


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